5 funny English jokes part 2 : LAWLESS , ON THE BRIGHT SIDE , SEND A SIGN , FOR PROFIT , HIS CUP RUNNETH OVER
HIS CUP RUNNETH OVER
A broke guy walks past a pub. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on. Just then, he spots a lamp lying in the gutter. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie emerges.
“I will grant you three wishes,” intones the genie.
“Give me a bottomless mug of beer,” the guy says.
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He takes a sip, then another. With each chug, the mug magically refills.
“And for your other two wishes?”
Between swallows, the lucky guy shouts, “Give me two more just like this one!”
Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in? Somebody’s making a penny.
—Steven Wright, comedian
SEND A SIGN
The graveside service had just ended when there was a frightening clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning accompanied by even louder thunder. The little old man looked at the pastor and said calmly, “Well, she’s there.”
—Submitted by G.C. via mail
A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”
The lawyer stares icily at the devil for a full minute before demanding, “So what’s the catch?”
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE
A musician friend is always upbeat. But when she developed ringing in one ear, I was concerned it might overwhelm even her. When I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician, she shook her head.
“Not really,” she said cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
—Kathleen Cahill, in Reader’s Digest Asia