5 funny English jokes part 1 : Shrewish Ladies , I don’t know , An idiot man , Misunderstood , A talking frog
A talking frog
An older gentleman was playing a round of golf. Suddenly his ball sliced and landed in a shallow pond.
As he was attempting to retrieve the ball he discovered a frog who, to his great surprise, started to speak!
“Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a week!”
He picked up the frog and placed it in his pocket. As he continued to play golf, the frog repeated its message.
“Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a whole month!”
The man continued to play his golf game and once again the frog spoke out.
“Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a whole year!”
Finally, the old man turned to the frog and exclaimed, “At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog!”
Misunderstood
A wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
Oh welcome home darling, he says, my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello.
An idiot man
Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over.
The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911.
He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator says “Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says “OK, now what?”
I don’t know
Little Johnny asks his father:
“Where does the wind come from?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why do dogs bark?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why is the earth round?”
“I don’t know.”
“Does it disturb you that I ask so much?”
“No son. Please ask. Otherwise you will never learn anything.”
Shrewish Ladies
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.
