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Say
SAY
Bob đến thăm nhà Joe và kinh ngạc trước lối đối xử tốt của bạn đối với vợ.Anh ta nói với vợ đến mấy lần là nàng hấp dẫn ra sao, ca tụng tài nấu ăn khéo léo của nàng và ôm hôn vợ như mưa.
“A,” Bob lưu ý bạn,”anh quan trọng hóa vợ anh lên đấy.”
Chiếc máy mới
A NEW MACHINE
The doctor asked the expectant father to try out a machine he had invented that transferred labour pains from the mother to the father. Billy agreed and the machine was set up. But although it was set to its highest setting, Billy felt not a twinge.
Later that day he went home to pick up a few items his wife wanted and discovered the milkman lying on his door step groaning in pain.
———– ** ———–
CHIẾC MÁY MỚI
Một bác sĩ hỏi một người chồng có vợ sắp sinh rằng có muốn thử chiếc máy ông ta mới sáng chế chuyển cơn đau đẻ từ người mẹ sang người cha không.Billy đồng ý và chiếc máy được cài vào.Nhưng mặc dù chiếc máy đã chạy hết công suất Billy cũng không thấy đau đớn gì cả.
Sau đó anh ta về nhà để lấy vài thứ vợ yêu cầu và thấy người đưa sữa đang nằm trước cửa rên rỉ đau đớn.
Người chồng ngờ nghệch
NGƯỜI CHỒNG NGỜ NGHỆCH
Một người đàn ông hỏi vợ:”Nếu em có thể được mọi thứ trên thế giới trong một ngày, em sẽ muốn gì?”
“Em muốn trở lại như hồi sáu,” nàng đáp.
Chiếc giày đâu rồi
WHERE’S THE SHOE?
One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception.
Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
Hàng xóm không thể nhìn thấy em được
HE NEIGHBORS CAN NOT SEE YOU
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a “dream home”.
Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.
“Joel,” she said, “I don t like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath.”
“Don t worry.” replied her husband. “If the neighbors do see you, they ll buy curtains.”
———– ** ———–
Người chồng không bao giờ biết xấu hổ
A HUSBAND WHO NEVER FEELS ASHAMED
“I m ashamed of the way we live,” a young wife says to her lazy husband who refuses to find a job. “My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I m just so ashamed.”
The husband rolls over on the couch. “And you damn well should be,” he agrees. “Those two worthless brothers of yours ain t never give us a cent!”
———– ** ———–
Không có chút riêng tư nào cả
4 A HUSBAND WHO NEVER FEELS ASHAMED
“I m ashamed of the way we live,” a young wife says to her lazy husband who refuses to find a job. “My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I m just so ashamed.”
The husband rolls over on the couch. “And you damn well should be,” he agrees. “Those two worthless brothers of yours ain t never give us a cent!”
———– ** ———–
Làm sao để sống ?
HOW TO LIVE?
“Darling,” said the young man to his new bride. “Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?”
“Of course, dearest, no trouble,” she answered. “But what will you live on?”
———– ** ———–
Kẻ ăn mày
THE BUM …
A bum approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. “Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?” The well-dressed gentleman responds, “You are not going to spend in on liquor are you?”
“No, sir, I don t drink,” retorts the bum.
“You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?” asks the gentleman.
“No way, I don t gamble,” answers the bum.
“You wouldn t waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would you?” asks the man.